5 Reasons Why You Should Quit Your Day Job
July 27th, 2009
Most of us would stop working if we could. We forever crave for it, but that’s the only thing we can do: dreaming. Having a 9-5 work just seems inescapable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master at defying the unavoidable. I stare ‘The Unavoidable’ straight to the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you want to stop working, QUIT YOUR JOB; I’ll even give you 5 reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you’ll have plenty of time to reading articles such as this. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. You’ll think of this when you see me on TV.
2. There’s a great feeling in quitting your job. You’ll be in cloud nine in 10 minutes, you’ll be on top of the world, you’ll have a good life, you’ll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you’ll start worrying about the car note, the mortgage, the kid’s school clothes, groceries, and and how you’re going to pay the amount you owe to other companies. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. Daytime television is some of the most breathtaking and fascinating television in the market. You’ll inquire how come you get to survive without all those documentaries, quality soap operas, judge shows, talk shows, and judge shows where you get the sinking suspicion that the judge has been paid off. Mix all these shows with all the educational TV ads that air during the daytime that will ”Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days’, ‘Allow you to get a degree from home’, ‘Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes’, in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber’ and you’ll not just think why you didn’t leave your job sooner, you’ll promise not to get a job again.
4. In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have quit your job you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from various associations begging for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to ‘Hold for an important message’ and you’ll have to sit back and relax answering these calls. It will be like having a full-time job all over again, without getting a salary.
5. Drawing yourself to wake up daily at 5:30 in the morning can’t be good for your health. Your doctor will be happy to know that you care enough for your body to go as far as resigning from your job. He won’t see you anymore, however, since you don’t have health insurance. You don’t have . Sitting all day in a damp clinic waiting room next to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is is another wonderful experience you will surely miss if you keep working on your present job.
There you have it folks. 5 raesons why you should go out and quit your job. Feel free to quote any of these reasons to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to knowwhere in the world you get that information tell her that a unselfish friend supplied them to you free of charge, and all I asked in return was that you think of me when you get your septic tank scrubbed next time…
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